Mitch Hedberg Passed Away

I found out today that my favorite comedian, Mitch Hedberg has passed away. I'm generally not a big fan of many entertainers but I was certainly a fan of his. I know when I go I'd prefer people to be able to celebrate the life that I had instead of being saddened by the ending of it. In that vein here a few of my favorite jokes that he told:

"When I go to shave I figure someone else in the world is shaving at the same time so I like to say, 'I'm going to shave... too.'"

"I wake up in the morning and make myself some instant oatmeal and then I don't do shit for an hour. Makes me wonder why I need the instant oatmeal. I could make regular oatmeal and feel productive."

"One time a guy handed me a picture and said, 'This is a picture of me when I was younger.' Every picture is of you when you were younger."

"I think Pringles initial intention was to make tennis balls. But the day the rubber was supposed to show up they got a bunch of potatoes instead. Pringles is a laid back company. They said, 'Fuck it. Cut em up.'"

"I have two straws in here in case one breaks down. You know those crazy straws they go all over the place? These fucking straws are sane. They never lost their mind. They said, 'We're going straight to the mouth. That fucker that takes a while to get there. He's crazy.'"

"One time when I move I want to get a really easy number to remember. Something like 22222222. Then when people ask how to get ahold of me I can just say, 'Just press 2 for awhile. When I answer you will know you have pressed 2 enough.'"

"If you find yourself lost in the woods, fuck it, build a house. 'I used to be lost but now I live here. I have severely improved my predicament.'"

"I'm a mumbler. When I'm walking with a friend he won't hear me and say, 'What?'. I'll say it again but he still won't hear me so he says, 'What?'. And really it's just some insignificant shit that I'm saying but next thing you know I'm yelling, 'That tree is far away.'"

"I remixed a remix. It was back to normal."

"When you go to a restaurant over the weekend they'll call out the names, 'Dufrene party of two.' If no one answers they'll say it again, 'Dufrene party of two.' If still no one answers they go onto the next name, 'Bush part of three'. Yeah, what happened to the Dufrenes? They're in somebody's trunk with duck tape over their mouths... and they're hungry. That's a double whammy. 'Bush, search party of three. You can eat once you find the Dufrenes.'"

More quotes from wikipedia.com